Dr Sawyer Read online

  I’d called Jeff first, spoken to and seen Rory, and even spoke to Todd.

  The reunion and welcome I got when Mom and Dad saw me was exactly what I imagined would happen whenever I’d heard about the story of the Prodigal son.

  My story wasn’t quite like that but it was similar enough.

  I couldn’t lie that the welcome I’d received was something I needed, and hadn’t realized just how much I’d needed it.

  The best part about the evening was that there was no mention of Todd. It was the very first time that we’d gathered together and neither of them mentioned him. No one ever told me this but I’d suspected that they were disappointed when Todd didn’t follow in their shoes and become a doctor.

  Both my parents worked for the UN in different capacities. Dad was usually on some project in different countries and he was always involved in some research.

  When we were in the Middle East he’d talked about Todd non-stop. It got to a point where I’d asked him if he would have preferred for him to be there instead of me.

  While it shut him up, it highlighted what I’d suspected.

  But tonight there was no mention and I was grateful for it. They’d just wanted to know about me. Just about me and what I was doing.

  I was grateful that Jeff hadn’t filled them in on what I was doing so when I told them, it was all fresh news. Unless if he had and Dad was just really good at acting surprised. It actually could have been that because Jeff was Dad’s best friend.

  It was fine. The evening was nice and we reconnected. I agreed to come back for dinner on Sunday. Mom made a point of saying it would just be the three of us. No mention of Todd’s name.

  I hoped that meant they’d seen the error in his ways because before I left last month, they seemed to sell me the same shit Todd had. Like it was my fault the cheating happened.

  They weren’t like that tonight.

  I drove home feeling some sort of normalcy. Until I saw her.

  Melanie.

  Jesus Christ. She was the second person this week to wait for me outside that apartment door.

  I wasn’t sure which made me more mad. The sight of her, the memory of her with Todd, or the notion that he must have told her where I lived. I couldn’t see my parents doing something like that. So it had to be the two sinners in the scenario.

  She wore the same regretful expression as Todd had.

  I walked up to her and stopped paces away.

  She looked the same in every way. Curly blonde hair that slinked to the side and fell down her shoulders. Bright, bright blue eyes that first got my attention. And, like that first time I saw her, something inside me withdrew.

  I should have paid attention to that. It must have been some innate warning to tell me what she was like, but also telling me what I would be like too.

  “Devon,” she breathed and brought her hands together.

  “What are you doing here?” I didn’t exhibit the harshness I showed Todd. Somehow it felt different with her. Maybe because everyone was telling me she went to him because of me. Perhaps a part of me was agreeable with that because of the knowledge that I’d wanted Kelly back before the cheating happened.

  “I heard you were back. I came to see you.” She nodded.

  “Why?”

  “Devon, I have a million things to say but the most important is I’m sorry.”

  I gave her a crude smile. “You’re sorry you cheated on me three months before our wedding, with my brother?”

  I wasn’t sure why she looked so shocked, like I’d just slapped her or spat in her tea. What I’d said was the reality of the situation.

  “Yes,” she answered, straightening up. “Yes, that is what I’m sorry for.”

  “Look, I appreciate it. I do. I’ll give you credit for coming here. Todd did too, and I’m assuming he told you where I live. I get why you’re here and that you feel bad. It doesn’t mean I forgive you or that I’m likely to forget.” I had to give it to her straight.

  “I know, but I was hoping that maybe you’d love me enough to try?” A tear ran down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. “I was hoping you’d love me enough to try and forgive and forget. I was hoping you could try, and maybe take me back and give me another chance.”

  I’d seen people do it. I knew many people who had taken back their cheating wives or girlfriends. I’d seen people forgive many times and multiple cheatings. But I had asked this woman to marry me.

  When we were at the medical camp in Jordan everything seemed beautiful. I thought maybe my whole move from Chicago to go there and meet her was fate. I’d thought that it was so good to meet someone who could tell me they loved me so freely without holding back. I was with her for over two years. A lot longer than Kelly. I should have been able to forgive her and take her back.

  But…this was the point of reckoning. The point of realization.

  It was where I had to be straight with her like I should have been months before I found out about the cheating.

  “I can’t,” I answered, and more tears came.

  “No…Devon, won’t you try?”

  “I can’t,” I repeated. “Melanie, when I was with you I loved you. I loved you enough to want to get married. Then something inside me changed. Something I should have talked to you about.” That change took place from the minute we prepared to come back home.

  The truth was that was when I started thinking about Kelly again. I felt like an asshole to admit that to myself, much less to admit that to Melanie.

  Her gaze hardened even through the tears. “It’s because of her isn’t it?” she threw back. “I can see it in your eyes. You’re thinking about her now. You never got over her.”

  Her was Kelly. That was who she’d meant. She’d known about Kelly because I told her.

  “Yes. It is,” I replied.

  This whole thing taught me it was best to be truthful and straight with my words.

  She sucked in a breath. “You know what? I knew it. I knew that whole time that you still loved her. I knew it. Do you know how horrible it is to feel like the man you’re supposed to marry is in love with his ex? That’s what drove me to Todd, Devon. You were like that the minute we got back to Chicago. It was like you changed.”

  She was completely right. I just didn’t realize it at the time.

  “That wasn’t fair to you and for that I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I’m sorry it drove you to Todd, but please don’t blame me. I wish people wouldn’t blame me for what you guys did. I’ll definitely admit that there was a conversation that should have been had, but you guys slept together. God knows how many times. That was just the one time I saw.”

  She wiped away her tears and nodded. “You’re…right. You are. I’m not blaming you. I blame myself. I should have asked you what was up with you. Tell me…would you have really gone through with the wedding knowing you still loved her?”

  Good question. It was one I never had the answer to. My heart wanted to say no, but I thought better of it. It was something neither of us knew.

  “I don’t know and right now I don’t think it’s fair of you to ask me that given all that’s happened. I could ask you the same thing. I could ask you if you’d still go ahead with the wedding when you were sleeping with my brother.” It was true. I didn’t mean to take the high road here but all I was guilty of was my feelings for Kelly. Melanie’s wrong was so much worse than mine.

  The look on her face told me she would have gone through with the wedding indeed, and I would have been none the wiser as to what the two of them had gotten up to.

  “I’m really sorry,” she sobbed. “I still love you Devon. I do. You loved me once too, which is why you asked me to marry you. I’ll never forget that day and I won’t allow my foolish mistakes to stop me from trying. I’m not going to just give up. Do what you have to do. But know that I’m not going away. I’m not,” she promised.

  Another promise this week to not g
ive up on me.

  Another promise that meant nothing because I knew myself.

  I knew what I wanted and it wasn’t her.

  “Melanie, let’s just leave it here. I’ve spent too long being confused and unsettled. Let’s just leave it here.”

  She reached out and touched my cheek, her fingers cold and trembling.

  “I can’t.”

  With that she stepped back and walked away, leaving me.

  As I watched her walk away I blamed myself. This was all me. My fault. All of it.

  I was the fool, and an impatient one. I looked back to my previous mistakes and saw every which way I’d gone wrong.

  I knew how Kelly felt about relationships because of what happened with her parents.

  What I should have done was given her more time.

  So, yes…

  This was my fault.

  Chapter 7

  Kelly

  After the way last week started I never thought I’d be sitting here in Dr. Morgan’s chair feeling so pleased with myself.

  This was week three and I’d not only managed to work with Devon but Coach Fratelli had quit smoking and was responding to the treatment.

  It was all so early in the grand scheme of things but he was responding and it was exciting. The three weeks that had gone by saw me doing all sorts of things. I loved the way that Dr. Morgan had scheduled time with us so we worked more as a team in everything we’d done so far.

  We’d assisted him in surgery, attended his lectures, were with him during his analysis sessions and patient rounds, and then there was this part. Our one-to-one meetings with him.

  I was probably super guilty of looking forward to these sessions more than I should.

  It was work and like I’d promised Paige and myself, I kept my mind opened. My heart, however, I kept on a leash. And it was working.

  “It’s scary how excited you look to see me every time we meet.” Dr. Morgan chuckled, taking his seat in front of me.

  I had to laugh. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I’m inclined to say you should be. You do realize who I am right? My mentees usually call me Dr. Doom, or Dr. Nightmare. Please don’t tell me you have some kind of crush on me.” He actually looked at me with a quizzical stare and looked like he was considering if it might be that.

  That just made me laugh even more. “No, oh my God, it’s not that! I promise.”

  “Good,” he nodded. “Because I’m pretty sure I’m old enough to be your father. A young father. Could have had you maybe when I was eighteen or something like that. Also, it would be very awkward if you did. And, quite scandalous.”

  I smiled. “Dr. Morgan I can assure you, I really just admire you as a person and your talents.”

  That made him smile and he looked grateful to hear the compliment.

  “Well thank you Kelly. It’s always nice to be appreciated.”

  I gave him a curt nod.

  I might not have a crush on him or have those sorts of feelings toward him but I definitely liked his blatant personality.

  He leaned over, opened his drawer, and took out a massive bag of mini marshmallows. The type Paige would get.

  “Hot chocolate? I make the best—decked out with everything.” He picked up another bag with chocolate drops.

  “Oh yes please,” I bubbled.

  He moved over to his Tassimo machine which I’d only just noticed had chocolate pods. I’d been to other consultants’ offices before and they always had some type of strong blend coffee.

  In two minutes Dr. Morgan whipped us both up two steaming mugs of what Paige and I would call chocolate heaven in a drink. He’d made everything with the right amount of marshmallows, chocolate drops, sprinkles, and hazelnut syrup.

  It definitely gave our Starbucks creations a run, and tasted divine.

  “Thank you so much,” I told him sipping away.

  “You are more than welcome. On week three, if my mentees make it this far, they get this.” He sipped on his and set the mug down in front of him on the table, assuming serious mode.

  “I’m glad I made it this far. Internship year was really hard.”

  “It is for everyone. Shit gets real.”

  I chuckled. He was the only person I’d come across who swore like a sailor.

  “Shit definitely gets real. It was the first time I saw someone die. It was horrible.”

  “That happened to me too, on my first day. That was horrible and made me head for the hills,” he confessed.

  That really surprised me.

  “You did?”

  “I sure did, and on that day I decided that my good friend at the time would be my best friend. That would be Devon’s father, Jack. I must have gotten as far as Vegas and the man followed me and brought me right the hell back here.”

  I hadn’t realized he’d had such a deep bond with Devon’s father. In the time Devon and I were together I’d met his parents a few times. It was nice. It was probably a total of three times and all in public settings. Never anywhere where we could talk on a more comfortable level.

  “That’s definitely a friend indeed. Heading to Vegas was more than heading for the hills though,” I pointed out.

  “Jumping over mountains.” He laughed. “So…the question of the day is how are you? You’re smiling, which is great, and sitting here with a mug of hot chocolate. Also great. But the point of these sessions is to talk about whatever is on your mind.”

  He’d said that before in the other meetings I’d had with him. It was nice that he kept bringing it back to that. In previous weeks I’d spoken of the research and what I was looking forward to. Now that I’d done that I was kind of talked out in terms of what I’d say to him.

  “I’m fine. Things are going well. It’s fast paced but because I know what my day is going to be like, it’s manageable. I’m all good.”

  He gave me a curious look, same as the one he’d given before. “Kelly, I don’t know if you’ve noticed that I’m not like your average mentor. I’m glad you’re loving the work but I can tell there’s more going on in that head of yours. Basically, I’m not one to mind my own business, especially when I’m privy to info on something more.”

  He was obviously going to talk about Devon. I’d been waiting for this.

  “Devon,” I filled in.

  “Yes. So, I never feel the need to explain my actions to anyone. God himself must have heard the raucous it caused when I just accepted my godson into my mentee program when so many people applied. It was Armageddon on the hospital grounds amongst the senior team. My answer, however, was put up or shut up. It was perhaps the first time that I’d used my influence and name. I will nevertheless tell you why I did that.”

  “Because he’s your godson?”

  “Nope, my cat is more important to me,” he answered with a straight face.

  I couldn’t hold back the laugh that fell from my lips. “Okay, I’ll bear that in mind.”

  “Yes, anyway. The thing about him is expertise and everyone who has been through my program has some unique selling point about them. I hate boring people, and I hate non-believers. He got the position on my team because he likes to take a chance. Toss a coin and see what happens. Push the limit and see what happens. Do something and see what happens. I need people like that.”

  I nodded, completely understanding. But it made me wonder why I’d gotten the job.

  “What about me?”

  His smile widened. “Truth or dare?”

  I chuckled. “Truth or dare?”

  “Heard you playing it awhile back with one of your patients. You put your own spin on it and it seemed like you might have had a running joke or something with this woman. Truth or dare isn’t the sort of thing you hear around this place. When I heard you that day, I thought that’s my kind of doctor. I think what I heard you say was something along the lines of ‘Truth: you could die if you don’t have the surgery, but I dare you to be str
ong and try.’”

  I remembered that really well. It was a lady who needed a heart transplant. She was completely terrified and I helped her. I’d been part of her team because she’d needed some general surgery and she took to me. We did play truth or dare.

  “I’m crazy like that.”

  “It’s not crazy. It’s unique. That is what it was. When I got your application your words screamed of it. Unknown to everyone I read through every single application sent to me word for word. I go over each one twice. Out of everyone that applied this year three people stood out to me. That was all. So Devon was just an addition. It was never that I might have had an extra spot to fill.” He nodded. “Now that I’ve explained that part I’ll confess that I didn’t realize you were the girl he’d told me about years ago, but I should have guessed. Him with his coin and you with your game of truth or dare. I know you aren’t together and several moons have passed since. I also know this part isn’t any of my business, but that long explanation was my way of asking you how you’re coping working with him.”

  “I…” My voice trailed off. I actually didn’t know what to say.

  Should I tell him it was super awkward just talking to Devon? Or the part where when we did get around to speaking it was weird that we sounded like we didn’t have all that history together?

  We sounded more like two work colleagues who were talking about work. But…that was good, right? It was what I wanted. After all, I was over him wasn’t I? So us like this should be perfect.

  No drama, no fuss.

  “If this is the part where you want to tell me to butt the fuck out, please do.” He ran a hand through his silver streaked hair.

  “No. I would never say that.”

  “I know, which is why I’m giving you permission to. I just didn’t want you to feel like I had any hidden intention in putting you two together. As you have seen, Coach Fratelli is a very stubborn man, but his money talks big time. While the soldier that Connor and Adrian have is funded to be here by the government, Coach heard about the research and is funding himself. In my original plan I was only going to allocate him to you and I’d just act in a supervisory capacity.”