Dr Sawyer Read online

  Paige and I had been coming here for years and this was possibly the first time that anyone had ever seen me so down in the dumps.

  There was too much on my mind and I couldn’t remember the parts of last night I was supposed to remember. What I could remember suggested I’d had wild sex with my ex-boyfriend, who I was supposed to be getting over.

  No…not getting over.

  Being over.

  Paige sat in silence in front of me probably contemplating what she should tell me.

  The thing was there was no advice for drunken amnesia. You did things you wouldn’t normally do and sometimes you did things you wanted to do but shouldn’t.

  I was the latter and part of me felt like I should have seen this coming. Should have sensed it on the horizon. Even from the moment I’d felt that pang of jealousy when I saw him with the blonde at the party.

  I should have noticed the inner turmoil of want brewing, telling me I still wanted him and I should beware.

  What I would have done if I’d taken heed was go home when I got the message from Paige. Not stay and get up to the madness I chose to enlist in with Conner and friends. Then the worse maddening situation that followed with Devon.

  “Anything yet?” Paige asked with concern.

  I shook my head. “No more than I told you.”

  She hung her head down and I realized she must have been so sick of this. So sick of me and my craziness.

  Most Saturday mornings saw her doing something with Ryan. While he was still away I was certain she would have preferred to be doing something other than helping me remember if I had sex with Devon last night.

  “You must be so sick of this,” I muttered.

  She looked at me and I was surprised when she smiled. Then a little giggle escaped her lips. “What the hell makes you say that?”

  “Paige I’m that crazy friend people hope they don’t get.”

  “I beg to differ. Not meaning to sound completely cheesy, but do you know how bored I would have been in life without you?” She chuckled. “You can cringe at my cheesiness now.”

  “I’m not gonna.”

  “Kelly, this is insane though.”

  “Which part?”

  “How about all of it. I don’t want to upset you so I’m just going to play along here and see what happens.”

  “No, don’t do that.” I winced. “I don’t want you to play along.”

  “Okay, do you seriously want my take on this?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Right, so from where I’m sitting it seems like you possibly slept with Devon. The part of concern is whether or not that’s a good or bad thing. I get that you were drunk, but maybe part of you wants to be with him, and you’re fighting it. You’re fighting it a lot.”

  I was. I seriously was and as I tried to remember what happened I recalled what he’d said to me about why he’d broken up with me, why he left, and what he would have done differently. I remembered that part and it conflicted with everything I’d felt over the last few years.

  He didn’t know I’d loved him and he wouldn’t have known that because I didn’t tell him. Not once. Not even casually. I never said things like “love ya” or “luv you.” Nothing like that, so there was no room for mistake. Years ago, when he asked me how I felt about him and I said I cared deeply for him, it must have felt like a slap in the face. Especially after all we’d been through.

  “What would you do if you were me?” I asked her. Again that was the kind of question she’d end up asking me. Something that would have normally required my advice. She actually looked surprised by that.

  “Wow, I’m not sure if I should be honored or shocked. You’re seriously asking me what I’d do?”

  I nodded. “I am. I think I need your advice badly because my whole perception is jaded by the past. My parents. Well…my mom in particular. I don’t want to go through life being so scared. Love is a myth. It’s bad. Not for me. I don’t want to be that woman. I’m not saying that I should just take him back but if I slept with him last night that means that I wanted to. There’s stuff I remember and stuff I don’t. The parts I remember recalls that it was me who instigated it. Me. I feel I would have done it drunk or not.”

  “That seems to me like you answered your own question, but let me tell you what I’d do since you asked.” She set her shoulders back and gave me a pointed stare. “I’d go back to square one.”

  “What? What do you mean?” I narrowed my gaze at her and rested my hand on the wooden table between us.

  “Square one. Tabula Rasa. Blank slate. Don’t you see? It’s like everything has been reset. He didn’t get married. He came back. He’s back at work, at the very place you met. The only thing you know now that you didn’t know at your first hello is that he wants you. So, if I were you and this was me…I’d go back to square one and explore this. After all, you already know what the worst thing is that could happen.”

  Holy hell. Once again I found myself wondering when it was she’d gotten so wise, and the little minx looked proud of herself too.

  I smiled at the idea. “Do you think I could just do that? Go back to square one?”

  “Correction: I think you will do that. Because you’re Kelly. You do all the crazy stuff and I come along for the ride. And just to spice things up, I’m gonna dare you to do it.”

  “Lord girl.” I laughed and tucked my hair behind my ear.

  The door to the coffeehouse opened catching my attention with the little jingle it made.

  My heart fluttered when my eyes landed on Devon. Then it took me a few seconds for my brain to register that it wasn’t him.

  It was the hair.

  Devon and Todd could have always passed for twins but Devon wore his hair a little longer than Todd. Todd had more of a faux hawk, while Devon had his hair longish on top with the back and sides shaved low.

  Todd came into the coffeehouse and beside him was a woman with long blonde curly hair I recognized too.

  I only remembered because I’d compared myself to her.

  That was Melanie.

  As in Melanie the fiancée.

  Todd and Melanie together in the coffeehouse on a Saturday morning.

  Paige followed the direction I stared and her lips parted a little when she saw Todd. She wouldn’t have known who Melanie was because I never showed her the wedding invitation I got with the picture of Devon and her on the front.

  In my rage I’d ripped the invitation up and thrown it in the bin. Then when I calmed down and thought about what I was doing I tore the front page off the invite with their picture and kept the back page with the details of the wedding and reception time, date, and venue.

  That was all I’d kept.

  Seeing Melanie now with Todd was…

  Honestly right now the sight of the two together disgusted me.

  Devon always had this thing about Todd. Even though he looked up to him I always thought he’d believed his parents favored him over Devon. I got the impression a lot of the times when he spoke about him. But, in the same instance he showed Todd the greatest respect and wasn’t like other brothers who might have held some resentment.

  Paige was the closest person I’d ever had like a sister and she’d had a sister. The three of us had been friends. I could definitely put my hand on my heart and swear that neither of them would have done to me what these two did to Devon. Neither would I.

  No matter what happened in the in between when he wasn’t mine what, happened to him was very hurtful. And here were the offenders.,

  Were they still together?

  It looked that way to me.

  Devon must have loved her so much. Enough to ask her to marry him. It got that far.

  However, things changed. I was looking at it and I knew what happened. As Paige quite rightly said, things had practically reset themselves right to square one.

  The events that followed now could be different.


  Last night told me so.

  I pulled in a slow and steady breath, willing myself to remember. I got to where I undid my bra and then the images of us flooded my mind.

  I remembered.

  All of it.

  We didn’t sleep together. What we did was what I called an indulgence without the act.

  I also recalled wanting to sleep with him. I wanted it badly. Wanted him badly.

  I still did.

  Chapter 10

  Devon

  “Man, I feel like shit,” I told Rory.

  Apart from the nightmare of a hangover headache that took me, I still felt the sting from Kelly’s words.

  Not wanting to stay in my apartment I ventured to Rory’s hideaway.

  I had to call it that because it looked like a cross between the Batcave and Iron Man’s house.

  Rory even worked for Marvel. He was always flying back and forth between here and L.A. He worked with the special effects team on set on a lot of the films.

  My best friend also seemed to think his home should be an exact replica of a movie set.

  I didn’t blame him one bit.

  Everything was computerized. All of it. As in every inch of the house. The damn house even spoke and he’d fitted it out with not just climate, but mood control.

  As a result, the damn sitting room we were in had turned a mixture of blue and black. The walls were actually blue and black and that was because of me.

  It had been a sunny yellow prior to me walking in.

  “I can tell.” Rory chuckled, looking around.

  I’d told him what happened. I’d gotten here about an hour ago after I’d showered and changed and filled him in on my latest debacle with Kelly.

  In the mix I’d remembered we didn’t sleep together.

  My first instinct was to call her and tell her so she could put her mind at rest. I held off though. I held off because I wasn’t sure if she wanted to speak to me and it felt like being happy over something I wouldn’t have considered a mistake.

  “Lost in thought again?” Rory asked.

  “Hmmm.”

  “Any thought on what you might do? I have to say you definitely have the adventure bug. Or maybe it’s the scandal bug. There I was thinking your life would be boring as a doctor.”

  I laughed. “Nope. As you can see it’s anything but. From the way I left my girl to the way my fiancée cheated on me with my brother. Now this. I can’t leave well enough alone can I?” It was okay for me to joke around with it. Even though it was all fucked up.

  “I wish I could laugh with you, but it’s purely mean. All that’s happened to you is no laughing matter.”

  “I swear things were much simpler in high school.” That was where we’d met. We were two knuckleheads who’d met as freshmen and stuck together ever since. The fabulous duo. So much had changed since. One of those changes just walked through the door.

  Allyssa came through with another tray of drinks and biscuits. Rory and Allyssa had been married now for a little over four years. They got married at the end of senior year in college.

  For me, the way I saw it, she was the balm to sooth his weeping soul over the loss of his father. He met her and it was like she fixed him.

  I remembered how they met every time I saw them together.

  We were nineteen. It was the first day of college. We walked into the main hall for Fresher’s Week and there she was taking a flyer from one of the sorority girls. Rory looked at her with stars in his eyes and told me that was the girl he was going to marry.

  I didn’t know anyone like that, or anybody who could declare something like that and do it.

  And, here they were.

  She set the tray down on the little coffee table between us and set her hands on her hips.

  “Devon, don’t take this the wrong way but you look like you’ll still be here by dinner time.” She chuckled.

  “I’m sorry,” I apologized.

  “Don’t say sorry. I just want to know what I should cook you. It’s been awhile.” I didn’t miss the look of concern in her eyes. When I’d come by the other day she wasn’t here. “If I’d known you were coming by I would have made my special Mexican feast.”

  Rory chuckled. “Is that like the special Italian feast or the special Spanish feast babe?”

  “Which would you like?”

  “Not sure, everything you cook tastes like heaven to me,” Rory replied.

  Lucky bastard. In her usual customary way Allyssa walked over to him and planted a kiss on his cheek.

  She looked at him and smiled. I couldn’t help but notice that they still looked at each other the same way they did years back. It was very noticeable. At the same time, I couldn’t hold off the twinge of envy that tugged on my heart.

  It would have been fine if I’d been the kind of bachelor who didn’t see myself settling down. I would have just felt happy for them and probably wonder how I’d make out if I ever did. But, I wanted that too.

  She looked back to me with that concern. “What would you like Devon? I’m about to go shopping. I could be back within an hour and make some enchiladas or whatever you want.”

  I thought about it and while it sounded great I thought I’d imposed enough.

  “How about I come by another time for dinner, but I’ll make you guys my special lasagna?” I offered. Every time I’d been here they cooked for me and gave me the five-star treatment. They’d practically adopted me.

  “Don’t tempt us.”

  “Be tempted. I’m serious. I’ll come by Wednesday and cook for you,” I offered up.

  She pointed to me and looked over to Rory. “I definitely made the right choice marrying you. Who would have thought you’d come with the best friend who could cook for us.” She giggled.

  “Yes babe, I know. I told you you’ll be well taken care of.” Rory nodded.

  I just shook my head at the two of them.

  Allyssa came over to me and gave me a hug. It was the type that showed they were both worried about me. “Feel better Devon. Come by and see us whenever you want to.”

  She moved back and gave me a nod.

  “I will. Have fun shopping. I hope you max out his credit cards.”

  She laughed and sauntered away, leaving us.

  When the door closed Rory leaned forward and stared at me.

  “Right, so back to business.” He sounded like he meant business too. “I’m just going to give it to you straight. This is a situation of which you have no control. I mean with Kelly. You have no control. If you’d told me it was her you were seeing on that first night I would have said to you that maybe you should see her some other time. She’s delicate and the whole thing is sensitive. The ball is basically in her court. You have to leave her to come to her own conclusion and not push.”

  Not push.

  I agreed I probably had been pushy, just like before. But at least I told her I’d stop forcing the issue of getting back together on her.

  “I just want to be right with her. I feel like I’ve done everything the wrong way and I just want to fix it.”

  “Dude, the good part is at least she knows.”

  I’d told him what I’d said to her. My explanation of what I would have done different.

  “She knows the important stuff. Leave it with her and see what happens. You’re working with her so it’s not like you won’t see her. That might be the only glue that holds you together. Work.”

  “So, just leave it all and see what happens?”

  “Yup. Simple. Trust me.”

  I nodded slowly, agreeing. What else could I do?

  I stayed for another hour and then headed home.

  I rounded that corner to my apartment and stopped in my tracks when my eyes landed on the gorgeous brunette who’d left my bed this morning.

  She came back.

  Kelly came back.

  It was déjà vu, but with a different person.


  Todd first, Melanie next. Kelly was the first person to wait for me of the three that I was truly happy to see.

  “Paige dared me to come and see you, so here I am.” She gave me that sexy, one shoulder sassy shrug.

  “A dare sent you back to me?”

  “Looks that way.” She pressed her lips together. “I also remembered that we didn’t sleep together, even though it really looked like we had.”

  “Me too…I remembered too.” I stepped closer.

  “I’m…sorry for what I said earlier.” She looked me over uneasily. “I didn’t mean it. It wouldn’t have been a mistake.”

  “No?”

  She shook her head. “No. It wouldn’t. It was wrong of me to say such a thing. And cruel. I really didn’t mean it.”

  “It’s okay. It must have been a shock waking up like that.”

  “It was but…maybe not so much.”

  I was really trying to rein in my emotions. Not allow them to race ahead like they always did when it came to her. It was hard though, when I wanted her so bad. Just like last night. Hard to resist. Rory was right. I couldn’t push this. What happened next had to come from her. Not me. She knew I wanted her, and knew my take on all that had happened.

  “So…are you busy?” she added. “I was thinking I could hang out here for a little while. Catch up. Maybe. If you aren’t busy. Or expecting anyone else today.”

  The ball was in her court and it looked like she’d just caught it and moved with it.

  “I would love for you to hang out with me.” I smiled at her and reached for my keys in my back pocket.

  I didn’t miss the twinkle in her eyes as she looked at me.

  Chapter 11

  Kelly

  This was me trying my best to explore this. Whatever that meant.

  I’d been with Devon now for over an hour. We ate dinner together.

  He made a seriously delicious feast of spaghetti bolognaise and profiteroles. He actually made his own.

  He said he learned how to do it at the camp. One of the women in the villages taught him.